Cry Me A River - or more accurately, I Cry A River

So, I'm trying to get more personal in my writing. I like how my friend Aviva on SickMomma keeps an updated record on her doctor's appointments, etc. on her blog. But this post is even more personal; it's about a crying meltdown I had recently.

From Fibro Viv, on Being Credible:

If my own family does not support me, what am I to do?

During my recent vacation, I was reminded of the lack of support for my current plight (cannot work, waiting for SS disability hearing) I get from some of my family members. I've accepted my father's view that I should just keep on keepin' on. I/we don't discuss the subject of my health at all, except in the most cursory of terms. But when I learned of another family member's (by marriage) feeling that it's not right for me (or anyone else, apparently) to be receiving assistance (which I do, from whoever will give it to me), or applying for public housing (which I'm currently in the process of - I've been living off the generosity of my mother for the last seven years, basically, and that seems long enough). I'm pretty sure that if my disabilities were visible I wouldn't be getting any grief from these people.

So anyway, the vacation was going wonderfully when on my last night there I learned about this other family member's negative attitude toward receiving assistance. I guess it just hit me with the force of all the negative attitudes I and everyone else with CI that I've come to know or learn about, are facing. There was a deluge of tears that went on for literally hours and even continued some in the next days. Along with the tears there was some talk, which is good. And I have to point out that I do also live with depression; dysthymia is my exact diagnosis, but more on that in a future post.

When you're through crying, it's good to laugh about it. Or even while you're crying, it's good to laugh!

Here's Dane Cook on crying. Very funny!


  1. This comment is from Aviva of I inadvertently made it where no one but me could leave comments - oops! That's fixed now, and here's Aviva's comment:

    Oh, Sherril!

    I'm so sorry so many of your family members are so unsupportive of you. That really sucks. And when you're dealing with as many health problems as people like us have, the last thing you need is stress from people criticizing you and telling you to just buck up. Grrrr.

    A lot of people don't understand that SSD is not welfare. It's receiving the insurance benefits that you paid for during your working years. And personally, I don't think welfare/subsidized housing/etc. should have the stigma that it does either. So many people have this idea that people who need assistance are just being lazy or "taking advantage." But we're human, and we all need some help sometimes. Personally, I'm happy to pay taxes that help support social services and the people who need them. I'm not so thrilled about my tax money being spent on this idiotic war, but that's a whole 'nother issue.

    Hang in there, best you can. And keep in mind that these hypercritical relatives are not people you chose to have in your life and you shouldn't feel bad when some of them turn out to be jerks. My way of dealing with relatives like that is to discuss as little of my life as possible with them and stick to topics like the weather or how much their kids have grown. The stuff they're criticizing you about is none of their darn business, and it's ok to just not answer questions that are going to lead somewhere you know is going to encourage them to criticize you.

    I'm glad you got a vacation -- you so deserve it. I'm so sorry that some of the people you visited were so clueless. Just remember, it's blogs like yours that help educate people about invisible illnesses and hopefully teach them to be more empathetic when they come across someone in their own life with an ICI.


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